Uncle Mick only has one rule…1st question’s free, but the next one’s gonna cost ya.
QUESTION: So, the guys at my CrossFit gym were all talking about going to get their undercarriages waxed for their ladies. Am I the only one that thinks I’m losing my man card here? — Justin R., Tempe, Arizona
ANSWER: You are losing your man card, Justin — and not just for the reason you think. If you want to trim up the forest to show off that mighty redwood, your Uncle Mick says go right ahead. And hell, if it gets ya some extra attention down there from the missus, then who can argue with that? The thing I take issue with is you and the rest of your Pilates pals making play dates to polish your tackle boxes together. That shit’s more wrong than two boys playing double Dutch.
QUESTION: Yo, Mick! My girlfriend wants to be a pro body builder and is seriously hitting the “juice.” Her muscle definition is becoming a serious turnoff in the bedroom. How do I tell her she’s becoming too manly? — Marcus B., Fayetteville, North Carolina
ANSWER: Boy, that’s a slippery slope there. On one hand you want your lady lookin’ good and in shape, but on the other you don’t want to be bedding down with the Hulk every night. Confronting her the wrong way could send her into a dark spiral of cookie dough and tasty cakes she may never come back from. I say try to guide her in a different direction. Maybe get her a membership to a yoga studio or suggest that you both start running … maybe do a race or two. The key is just get her away from the iron. In the end, if nothing works and you notice that Adam’s apple starting to drop, you gotta get out. You need a girlfriend, not a spot.
QUESTION: Mick, I have some drama in my life. We just had our 3rd kid and the wife wants to sell the ’79 Trans Am for a minivan. Is this grounds for divorce? — Adam C., Bloomington, Illinois
ANSWER: It could be Adam … it could be. But let’s try appealing to her emotional side first. Agree with her that you do need a minivan for the family, but you really don’t want to sell the Trans Am ’cause you always wanted to give it to little Adam one day. Tell her about how you’ve always dreamed of working on the car with the little guy and one day hoped to hand him over the keys. You know, some real “father-son” type emotional shit. Whether or not you actually give the keys to the little bastard is on you. By that time, I’m sure you’ll have figured out another way to get money for a mom-mobile, while still managing to hang on to an American classic.