Tomahawk Fighting: 7 Steps on How to Fight Like a Barbarian

The fighting tomahawk is an extremely intense weapon. It is sharp, destructive and intimidating as f*ck even in the untrained hand. Yes, tomahawks are used for breaching, breaking car windows, and saving lives … but I am not writing about that shit.

The Ancient Art of Tomahawk Fighting

This here article is about learning how to fight like the barbaric nomad that you always knew you were. By the time you are done reading this article you will be a highly trained snarling tomahawk-swinging savage capable of scaring the shit out of your neighbors and destroying everything in your suburban backyard. Let’s get to the tomahawk fighting!

1. Understand the Reach of Your Weapon

Most tomahawks are 15 to 18 inches in length. For this article we are using two tomahawks — one for myself and one for the “Bad Guy.” As you can see my attacker is quite a bit taller than me, meaning that his reach is naturally longer, add 18 inches of sharpened steel and he has a huge advantage. I am not sure why, but Flex Luger is posturing his size and exposing a limb, while expressing his feelings towards me with a friendly finger. It is important that I give myself enough distance from his weapon. If faced with this situation RUN. If running is not an option, grab an equalizer, in my case another tomahawk and keep a low stance that allows you to spring, duck and evade quickly.

2. Fight of Flight

If you choose to fight over running, it is important to understand and respect a tomahawks power. Blocking a larger man’s strike with a tomahawk and STOPPING it, is difficult. Blocking and redirecting it is the goal. Even with the most serious of wounds, a crazed attacker may not drop his weapon. In this picture, my attacker comes with an angle one lunging attack. I choose to move to the inside of his strikes power arc using the top part of my hawk’s handle to block his strike. This leads directly into the next move.

3. The Tomahawk’s Beard Is Your Friend

In this picture it appears like I am lunging in and stopping his tomahawk dead. While I am stepping in to close to bridge the reach gap, I am also moving with the circle of his strike. The energy of his strike has been disrupted by my counter strike, I immediately step back and I use my weapon’s beard (sharp hook) to trap his battle spike, using a lot of force, I then pull his weapon and redirect it past me, at the same time, checking and passing his arm HARD with my opposite hand pushing it clear.

4. Strike Hard and Fast

There are a lot of fancy made for Batman movie moves that we can do from here, but we don’t want to give this A##hole another chance to kill me, so let’s strike what’s open. His arm is cleared, used that space to counter. I take a hard straight lunging strike at Gigantor’s throat, driving the sharpened top edge into his neck. With his arm out of the way it is the clearest path of attack. Minimally, this should drive him back fleeing for his life with blood gushing out of his neck. Ultimately, we want him knocked down.

5. Show No Mercy

Keep in mind, this mother f*cker just tried to ghost you with a frickin’ tomahawk. While your attacker is on his back begging for his life, think of the baddest one liners that you can conjure up and release the most colorful verbal assault as you raise your tomahawk and prepare to deliver the final blow.

6. Split Him in Two

What can I say about this photo? I say strike down into his chest like you are splitting firewood into left and right Twix. If your attacker is capable of getting up from this, that is a good indication that he is a tougher mother f*cker than you. Run. Or shoot him and run. Either way, your neighbors have called the cops and you have approximately 10 minutes to shower and get your story together.

7. Strike a “WorldStar” Pose

Dude, seriously you just won a tomahawk fight. Take a bow. Step on what’s left of your fallen foe’s body, raise your weapon to the Heavens and yell “I HAVE THE POWER!” as loud as you can. You earned this, enjoy it you handsome God of War you. The REAL CONAN would be proud of you. Now call your attorney and wait for the Cops.

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