Are you the guy that doesn't change the toilet paper rolls?
(Photo by Brady Miller)

The Parable of the Two Toilet Paper Rolls: An Opinion Piece

Although in the photo it may look like there is still some paper on roll number two, there, where it stops hanging, is where the glue starts. There is not even one full sheet left on it!. Now, before we start, please be aware that the re-stock toilet paper rolls can be reached without even lifting a single cheek off the toilet! 

The Breakdown

Therefore, we have three pre-wipe/pre-flush scenarios:  

  1. Roll number one has paper, but roll number two is effectively empty. A person came in and ran out the rest of roll one, but, since there were scraps on roll two, “technically” they did not use the last of the toilet paper without refilling it. I can understand (not condone mind you, but understand) that perhaps this is the result of a bit of apathy combined with being in a hurry. 
  2. Roll number one is empty, but roll number two has paper. This is the next step along the path toward an abject lack of consideration. Some horribly lazy person came in to poop and roll one was already empty. So, they used up the last bit on roll two, essentially using the last of the paper. This person probably rationalized their laziness by thinking, “The last person did not refill the empty roll, so why should I have to refill both rolls?” This is scarier than the first scenario because it required actual thought to be neglectful.
  3. Roll number one has paper; roll number two has paper: What if there was paper on BOTH rolls? This monster sat down and emptied the last of roll one, and, since that was not enough to accomplish the mission, moved on to roll two and cleaned that one out too! If this is the case, we have a real sociopath on our hands. To actively empty both rolls and refill neither of them while sitting at arm’s length from the resupply really requires total disdain for your co-workers and yourself. This is beyond some sort of personality quirk—this is a life disorder. 

The Aftermath

Regardless of which scenario actually took place, this is no way to go through life. You don’t necessarily refill the toilet paper for other people; you refill the toilet paper because that is the type of society and world you want to live in.  

For more toilet humor like this, be sure to check out our podcast Skillset Live!  Get in on the conversation on our social media pages or pick up a back issue at

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